In my last post, I described how I came to the conclusion that I needed to create a summary of what I knew in helping to diffuse conflict in a format that was memorable. So, I created the acronym of P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O. to help convey what I could to others who need to know how to work through conflict.
In that post, I indicated that P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O. stands for:
B – Be humble and wise.
L – Listen carefully.
E – Exalt in the image of God.
M – Move towards a resolution.
O – Oneness and eternity.
Today, I would like to focus on the “P” in P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O.. The “P” stands for prayer. In the midst of conflict, prayer not only provides an opportunity for tempers to cool, for a “pause” to happen between the two having issues, but it also creates an opportunity for thoughts to clear, and a heart re-orientation to happen. James 4:1-2 tells us the reason conflict happens; it’s because our hearts are set on something that we are not receiving and we look for a way to get what we want.
If the thing we want is anything other than ultimately God’s glory, our hearts are already in the wrong place. We were made to worship (the submission of one’s life to a higher power, authority, or object) and we will worship whether we realize it or not. But it’s not always what we were intended to worship. Sometimes we worship respect, sometimes it’s love, sometimes it’s power, or safety. Other times it’s indulgences of the flesh that illicit pleasurable physiological reactions like food or alcohol or drink. Whatever it is we worship, if we are chasing after anything other than God’s glory, our hearts are in the wrong place and need to be reoriented to the Lord. This mis-orientation is much like a car’s tires being out of alignment. It eventually causes you to drift away from where you intended to drive and causes you to end up somewhere completely different; maybe even causing you to wreck. Prayer gives an opportunity for that realignment to happen.
Finally, prayer gives us an opportunity to talk to the Lord about the conflict, our own sin, and to ask for help. Only God knows the hearts of those involved in the conflict (because we can’t even know our own sinful hearts according to Jeremiah 17:9). He is capable of softening hearts that are hardened with bitterness, anger, jealousy, or resentment. He is capable of revealing each person’s sin in the situation. And when we are confronted with the character and nature of God, we can often find that the desires we wanted are no longer desirable.
Action:
So, if you’re in the middle of the conflict, consider sitting quietly for 30 seconds before praying. During that time consider any of the names of God and/or the character of God that may be relevant. If you’re not sure of any names of God or the attributes of God, consider Scripture and what you last learned about who God is and/or what he is like or even what he is concerned about. If you haven’t been in Scripture for a while, no time like the present to read a couple of passages from Scripture before talking to him. After doing this talk to the Lord. Incorporate into your prayer, exaltation for who God is and has done, thanksgiving (combats a lot of spiritual maladies such as bitterness and anger), and then after this, ask the Lord to reveal sin in your heart and to help you turn away from it. Ask him how you can best serve the other person, and to make sure that you are honoring him in how you respond to this conflict. Ask him to help the other person have a heart for reconciliation and to show you both how to fix the brokenness in your lives.