In a recent post, I described how I came to the conclusion that I needed to create a summary of what I knew in helping to diffuse conflict in a format that was memorable. So, I created the acronym of P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O. to help convey what I could to others who need to know how to work through conflict.
In that post, I indicated that P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O. stands for:
B – Be humble and wise.
L – Listen carefully.
E – Exalt in the image of God.
M – Move towards a resolution.
O – Oneness and eternity.
In my last post, we approached the P in P.R.O.B.L.E.M.O.. Now I’d like to talk about the “R”. “R” stands for refill your cup. I once had the privilege of hearing Pastor Larry McCall from Christ’s Covenant Church speak at a marriage seminar where he discussed the reality of how most marriages work. Like two cups with holes in them, neither cup will ever be able to pour into the other enough water to make the other feel full. Eventually they both will end up completely empty. The two cups are the two individuals in a marriage. Sin, suffering, and life in general just creates holes in each of the individuals. Everyday each of the individuals may seek to try to pour into each other, but because of the various holes in their lives, there isn’t much they can pour into each other. Unless they go to the source of living water (John 7:37-38).
We start with “P” (for prayer) in the midst of conflict because this is where we turn the faucet on to receive water that never ceases. When we pray, we begin to drink from the nature and character of God. But there are other ways of doing this. Rehearsing the gospel, rehearsing your testimony on how God saved you, reciting the promises Scripture gives us of who God is, who we are, what God promises, and the hope he offers are all ways that we can refill our cup. But so is service. It is note-worthy that on the night before Jesus was betrayed and arrested, in the time of his greatest conflict, he served his disciples by washing their feet (John 13:1-17). So don’t overlook ways you can serve the one you’re in conflict with.
When we go to the source of living water, we find that love begins to multiply out of our relationship with him, into the lives of those around us. The more time we spend refilling our cup from Christ, the more we have to pour into others. Scripture makes it clear that God is love and that it is because he first loved us that we can truly love at all (john 4:7-21). And it is this self-sacrificing love that is not only the example, but the very source of our ability to love those around us.
Action:
During or after prayer in the midst of conflict, take time to rehearse gospel truths to yourself and speak to God about them. Remind yourself of who God is, who you are, what you were made for (worship) and of Scriptural promises. Thank him for saving you, for continuously reshaping you into a better reflection of who Christ is, and the sins he has removed from your life. But also acknowledge the holes that are still in your own life. Ask him to fill up those holes so you can better hold his Spirit and pour it into the lives of those around you. And take note of the holes that may have caused this conflict to start or escalate so that you can apologize for the sin in your life to the one you’re having the conflict with.